her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
