just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
