In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
