And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
