Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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