Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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