I look better un-naked...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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