Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
