I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
