getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
