Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
