Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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