there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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