you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So. Much. Porn.
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