Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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