need another drink. this is the easiest way
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
