You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want a musical about memes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
