She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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