i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
