I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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