I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
