Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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