Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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