I have demons in me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
