Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
