I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
