I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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