Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
