I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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