I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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