he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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