Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
