Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
