Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
