I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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