Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my phone needs a breathalizer
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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