I accidentally had phone sex last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
