she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
