ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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