at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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