talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i love accidental penises.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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