Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
