Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
