Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
