my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
