i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
