is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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