If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
