The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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