I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
