i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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