so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
