I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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