I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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