And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
