Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
