woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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