I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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