He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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