The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
