dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
