I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
