Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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