he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
