So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
