Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
