Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
